Lost: Sundown

Ready for some Lost spoilers? Here’s what I thought about last night’s episode (Sundown) in delayed semi-realtime–just think of it as my Olympics feed.

1. Previously on Lost: Jacob was a manipulative dick, just as I predicted after the season premiere. Claire was dirty and wore plaid; presumably she’s an Animal Collective fan. Also, Sayid was dead. Then alive. Then tortured. Then they tried to poison him but Jack didn’t let them. Then we flashed to this episode:
2. Sayid is in LA (X). He rings a doorbell and it’s… his hot mama, Nadia! She’s not dead. Also, she’s sporting a huge wedding ring. Also, there are kids there! ALSO, THE KIDS CALL HIM UNCLE SAYID. Aw crap. She’s married to some other dude who is Sayid’s brother. Rough. Allegedly, Sayid translates oil contracts, which is why he travels all the time. I dunno, I’m thinking he’s a trained assassin. Anyway, Sayid’s brother is a dickhead. Obviously Nadia and Sayid had a thing on the side once but shit got too REAL so he stopped. The kids reveal that he had a picture of her in his bag though, so now she knows he’s still the 3 year old girl to her Justin Bibier. Anyway, flash back to the Island.
3. Sayid asks Master Splinter for answers. Like: what was up with the torture? Apparently it was to figure out whether Sayid is good or evil. Seems he was evil. So the guy wants to kill him. So then they fight. It’s pretty cool. Always fun to watch Sayid scamper around and try to hurt people. This fight is kind of Bourne-y. Lots of props used. And then the guy is about to kill Sayid but a baseball falls onto the ground and for some reason the guy tells him to just leave and never come back. Uh, okay…
4. MIB and Claire are in the jungle. About to infiltrate the Temple. My apartment-mate, Drew, just started quietly singing “if I could turn back time”, FYI. And thus I lost track of the conversation where MIB explained to Claire why she was going into the Temple instead of Sawyer or Jin. Maybe because she’s built up antibodies from rooting around in the mud for 3 years. Commercial time.
5. Sayid sleeps on the couch. His brother taps him and Sayid REACTS WITH FIGHTING INSTINCTS. But then it’s just his brother, there to tell him that he’s in trouble. He borrowed money from the mob, instead of a bank! He needs help–he needs Sayid to beat the mob up. His brother is like, I know you love Nadia, do it for her. Sayid declines, because he’s not that man anymore. I predict he will kill at least 3 people by the end of this episode (just in LA, not on the Island).
6. Speaking of which, Sayid is leaving the Temple. Miles explains to him that he was dead for 2 hours before he woke up. He says, whatever brought Sayid back, it wasn’t the unwashed Others. Speaking of unwashed, Claire walks into the Temple to relay a message: “he wants to see you”. They lock Claire up. Sayid doesn’t seem that surprised to see her, even though as far as he knows she’s been dead for a while. Then the dojo master invites Sayid back in, explaining that “things have changed”. He asks Sayid where Jack went. And then he pulls a box out of a potted plant while he explains that MIB was trapped, but is free now that Jacob is gone, and he won’t stop til he’s destroyed everything alive on the Island. He’s “evil incarnate”. Yeah right. Anyway, sensei wants Sayid to kill him. He says MIB will appear as someone Sayid knows who has died. Sayid points out that he’s not inclined to do any favors for him after all the killing and torture and stuff. The guy suggests that Sayid has a chance to prove that there is good in his soul. So I guess he wasn’t infected–he was just judged to be a jerk or something? I don’t trust this crap any more than I trust this ad assuring me that Shutter Island wasn’t a mediocre movie.
7. Commercial for Modern Family. Have you seen it? It’s not bad. Although, to be honest, it’s not exactly Must See TV. Oh, but Jack’s wife (from the original timeline) plays the mom, so that’s pretty sweet.
8. Sayid is taking the kids to school. He says he needs to go to Toronto for work soon. The kids are like, but we and mommy like it when you’re here! Speaking of his wife, she comes out to tell Sayid that his brother is in the hospital. Because the mob punched him in the internal organs. Nadia asks him not to go out and kill anybody. We’ll see.
9. On the Island, he walks into the jungle and finds Kate. OR IS IT KATE? I guess it is. He tells her to go ask Miles what she missed. He’s playing solitaire. They chat about Sawyer, but who cares. He mentions that Claire showed up, “still hot”. I guess that’s his gross punk phase popping up again. Anyway, Sayid is in the jungle and a bunch of wind shakes the plants and the SMOKE MONSTER noise is made. And then Locke shows up. And then Sayid stabs him in the chest with a machete!!!! And then Locke isn’t hurt. Because he’s not mortal. Neat.
10. Hot Tub Time Machine looks bad. Sorry. I bet the bloopers will be funny though.
11. Sayid is confused and worried now that stabbing MIB was ineffective. MIB offers him his machete back, says “take it, I won’t bite”. That’s weird. They have a fun little conversation about Dogen (I’m tired of coming up with insensitive nicknames related to the fact that he’s of Japanese descent). MIB says Dogen knew Sayid couldn’t kill him, and that he was trying to get Sayid killed. MIB asks him to deliver a message, and says “what if I told you you could have anything you wanted?” ASK FOR MORE WISHES! But okay, Sayid says he wants Nadia back. MIB is like, dude, I control time and space! It could happen!
12. Speaking of which, we flash to LA, where Sayid is putting together a vase that Nadia’s stupid kid broke. Apparently he was babysitting while Nadia took care of her husband, who apparently is recovering from organ surgery. I think they’re going to kiss each other soon. He’s going to cuckold his bro! She asks why Sayid pushed her towards his brother in the first place. He says, basically, that he used to be a jerk and doesn’t deserve her. Oh, as I typed that, he actually said that. Not the jerk part. Point being, sometimes this show is pretty predictable!
13. Sayid is back at the Temple, and he tells everyone that Jacob is dead, and that because he’s gone nobody has to stay in the Temple anymore. The Tailee stewardess hugs the kids. Anyway, he says that anybody still in the Temple at sundown is gonna die.
14. Kate finds the guy with the round glasses, whose name is hilariously “Lennon”, and asks for Claire. He shows her to a pit, in which Claire sings Australian nursery rhymes to herself. Kate asks why Claire’s down there. Claire says that they have Aaron. Kate is like, no, I took Aaron. Claire is like, I have angry squinty eyes and now I’m going to have to kill you a lot. Kate’s digging herself quite a hole here, talking about raising Aaron, about how great he is. Claire is like, you’re gonna die. YOU’RE ALL GONNA DIE. HE’S COMING!!!!
15. Commercial. I want a Filet O’ Fish sandwich.
16. Sayid saunters around the Temple, carefree. The stewardess is taking the kids away. Sayid grabs his killknife and goes off in search of someone. Presumably Dogen.
17. In LA, an arab guy who is obviously evil (he has a goatee) talks Sayid into a black SUV. Drives him to a meeting in the back of a restaurant where someone’s cooking. Who is it, I wonder? MYSTERIOUS! Okay, I’ll tell you, it’s THE FREIGHTER CAPTAIN WHO DIED OMG. YESSSS. Remember Keamy? Him! This is pretty cool though, for realsies. He made some eggs for himself. As he eats, he talks to Sayid about his brother, the ne’er-do-well. He explains that Sayid’s brother owes him money, and Sayid says he’s shaking his brother down. Keamy turns out to be kinda creepy even when he’s not a mercenary ship captain. Then Sayid does some military stuff and shoots a henchman (that’s one). He pulls a gun on Keamy, who says his brother’s debt is forgiven. I think he’s about to get killed also. I WAS RIGHT AGAIN, Y’ALL. That’s two. Poor Keamy is just too creepy to survive in this or any world. Sayid hears somebody moving in the meat locker. It’s JIN! He was tied up back there. Also, he only speaks Korean. This again, I thought Jin Can’t Speak English was over on this show.
18. Anyway, we have to watch an Olive Garden commercial now. Their food honestly looks disgusting in this commercial–maybe they should aim for something on the other end of the tastiness spectrum. Please, if you happened upon this post by googling something like “is Olive Garden delicious?”, let me make this as clear as possible: go to a cheap neighborhood restaurant, not a national chain restaurant that aims for mediocrity and still falls short.
19. Sayid found Dogen. He notes that stabbing MIB in the chest didn’t really accomplish much and asks why Dogen keeps trying to get Sayid killed rather than just doing it himself. Dogen clutches that baseball and says he used to be a Japanese businessman. He says that he was promoted and went out to celebrate and he drank too much. Been there, done that, AMIRITE? Well, this time he picked his son up from baseball practice (the one who played piano in the LA timeline). But he got in an accident! His son died! And then a guy came to him in the hospital and said he could save his son’s life, but he’d have to come to the Island forever and never see the boy again. And then the audience was like, do we really need to focus on the backstory for new characters we just met? We have a lot of other questions already. Anyway, the guy who came to him was Jacob. Duh. Jacob’s a bad guy, y’all. Anyway, it’s sundown. Sayid says he wants to stay. And then he pulls Dogen into the limpid pool of non-rescussitation! And he tries to down him. And I dunno guys, it looks like it’s working. Dogen’s body goes limp and he releases the Baseball of Meaning. Lennon finds them and is worried. “What have you done?”, he asks? Then Sayid cuts his throat. God, Sayid kills so many people.
20. Outside, the smoke monster sounds are all over. The woods shake. Stuff starts exploding! Smoke monster drags everyone everywhere! Kate and Miles run away! Other people get slaughtered! It’s pretty cool. Kate goes to get Claire as more extras are killed. I wonder what Jack, Sun, Hurley, and Sawyer are up to. Miles bars the door for a while and then what’s her name shows up with Lapidus and Ben! This is confusing as hell. Kate goes to rescue Claire, but Claire is like, let’s just hang out in here instead. Kate gets in the pit with Claire. But… didn’t Claire desperately want to kill Kate? We’ll see.
21. Sayid chills by the pool with his bloody knife. Ben finds him and says there’s still time to go. Sayid giggles and is like, I’m suicidal, Ben, I fully intend to die here. Oh, and Sun’s here. Miles is like, have you seen Jin? And the audience rolls its eyes.
22. What’s her name and Lapidus examine the hieroglyphics on the wall; she finds the secret passageway to the safetyroom! She, Lapidus, Miles, and Sun go in there. The Smoke Monster goes by where they just were!
23. Sayid meanders around the exploded Temple grounds, where most everybody is dead as hell. Claire and Kate join him. Ooh, Kate grabs a rifle. Good idea. Sayid might decide to kill you.
24. Sayid and Claire walk outside where they find MIB and a group of others. MIB gives him a wink, as if to say, good job. Then Kate walks out and MIB glares at her for a second as if to say, not a good job. She seems confused. I guess I don’t blame her. MIB and his crew walks off into the jungle.
25. LOST

Okay. Well that was fun but I can’t help being annoyed by the various characters who are missing each week. This week it was Jack, Sawyer, Hurley (plus all the characters who only showed up for a second). Last week it was Sawyer, Sun, and I forget who else. And every week since the premiere it has been Desmond, Charlie, Boone, Shannon, and all the other characters who apparently only get to be cameo players now, even if they have all been vital, central personages at various times in the show’s history. It’s especially annoying when we get extensive expository dialogue filling in the backstory on characters who were introduced 4 episodes ago.

Awesome to see Keamy, though, and especially awesome to see him die again. That was a nice surprise–thank you, internet, for forgetting to spoil it for me!

In sum, this week was a gigantic improvement over last week’s stunningly-boring, utterly silly episode. But there’s plenty of room for more improvement, and I hope to see some of it in the next few weeks.