Lost: Episodes 21 and 22.

The penultimate set of Lost rundowns after the jump. Spoilers as usual.

Episode 21 (The Greater Good)

1. Last time on Lost: Claire had a baby, Boone died. Now: Sayid wants to help Shannon feel better the only way he knows how (shooting somebody in the face). She won’t talk. Oh hey, it’s a Sayid flashback episode!
2. We see him in cuffs, escorted through an airport by some military dudes. A couple of suits start questioning him about some missing explosives. They want him to go under cover in a terrorist cell. They say they can give him Nadia. I’m not going to pay much attention to this, I don’t think. Anyway, they’re off to Sydney.
3. On the Island, Jack’s running around to find and yell at Locke for lying about how Boone got hurt. At the same time they’re burying Boone by the beach. Sayid says something because he wants Shannon to love him. Anyway, Locke shows up and says it was his fault and tells everyone about the plane accident. PS he’s covered in blood! Jack is not satisfied and attacks him for abandoning Boone. I can see where he’s coming from on that one. Soon thereafter, Jack notes that Locke is hiding something about a hatch. Observe that he doesn’t just ask him about it–instead he works himself up into a lather and refuses to deal with the issue reasonably.
4. Flashback to Sayid at a mosque, where he runs into his cousin the terrorist. Sayid asks about his wife, who was killed by a bomb or whatever. His cousin invites him over to play violent video games. Blah blah blah he ends up infiltrating the terrorist cell.
5. Claire needs sleep but refuses to sleep but she needs to sleep. So she reluctantly gives the baby to Charlie. Then, on the beach, Locke has a chat with Shannon. He says “storm comin’” and I roll my eyes. He apologizes and asks her to forgive him. She cries a little bit. Is this the end of fun, bikini Shannon??? She goes to Sayid and asks him to “do something about” Locke. That’s pretty vague, yet ominous–perfect. Kate drugs Jack because he refuses to sleep (just like his half-sister!). Sayid finds Locke and asks what happened. The whole talk reeks of subtext.
6. Flashback to Sayid probing his cousin for information about the explosives. Cuz just found out that he’s supposed to be the suicide bomber, but he doesn’t think he can go through with it. Sayid’s CIA contact wants him to convince his cousin to do it though.
7. Charlie sings to the baby on the beach while Hurley walks alongside. The baby won’t stop crying. So Hurley starts singing James Brown. The baby keeps crying though, because it’s kinda awful. Locke took Sayid to the plane, showed him the heroin. Sayid asks why Locke lied, and Locke says he made a mistake. Well, that’s informative! Locke tries to get Sayid to trust him by telling him that the person who destroyed his transceiver earlier in the season was… Locke! Not sure how that’s gonna make Sayid trust him any more. And, in point of fact, Sayid is upset. Man, Locke is such a sanctimonious prick. He’s so annoying. Okay. Sayid finally asks Locke about the hatch. Locke lies and says it’s a reference to the hatches on the plane that Boone died in. Don’t buy it, Sayid!
8. Also, I can’t believe anybody didn’t hate Locke by now when the show originally aired–he undermines everything everyone else is doing to get off the Island, and doesn’t even have the courtesy to be honest about it. If you think they’re making a mistake, maybe you should tell them, asshole. Locke: Least Likeable Character Lost Has Ever Had.
9. In flashback, Sayid’s still trying to convince his cousin to blow himself up. His cousin still feels doubt but Sayid convinces him. And then his cousin asks him to come along for the explosion. Sayid agrees.
10. Shannon looks at a picture of her and Boone in happier times (before he was crushed by a small plane). Sayid comes up and asks how she is. He tells her he thinks it was an accident. She is not satisfied. Jin is learning basic English by the raft. Walt’s worried about sharks/death. Michael tells him they won’t die, but Walt makes an excellent point: Boone kinda died.
11. Sawyer is a jerk to Charlie about the crying baby. Then it turns out that Sawyer’s jerk noises amuse and pacify the child. Then Jack and Kate realize that Shannon stole a gun so she could kill Locke! OMG!
12. Flashback: Sayid’s cousin is in a van. It’s terrorism time! They get into a delivery truck it looks like the logo says “OC” so maybe the truck is from George Bluth? Anyway, Sayid tells him that he’s a CIA informant and gives him 10 minutes to run away. His cousin’s not happy about this and pulls a gun on him. Sayid thinks he’s gonna kill him but instead he kills himself. Duh. I feel like that happens kind of a lot on this show.
13. Jack and Kate run through the jungle after Shannon. Sayid gets there first, though. She has a gun on Locke and wants to kill him. Sayid tells her “if you do it, you can never take it back,” which is kinda the point, yes? Anyway, Shannon’s not buying it and is about to shoot and then Sayid lunges at her and then she shoots! And I think Locke is hit! And then she walks off and is upset with Sayid. Turns out Locke was just grazed by the bullet.
14. Sawyer reads some stupid car magazine to the baby, which listens happily. Claire walks up and sees the little baby resting comfortably. It’s kinda nice. Nobody in that scene cried, punched, ran through the jungle, or shot a gun!
15. Flashback to Sayid finding out Nadia’s contact info. He gets some money and a plane ticket! He wants to claim the body, so they change the flight to the next day… Oceanic 815. Aw crap.
16. Sayid tells Locke that he saved him because he thinks Locke can help them survive. But he doesn’t forgive him. Also, he demands that Locke take him to the hatch. THE REAL HATCH.
17. LOST

Episode 22 (Born to Run)

1. Flashback: we see a blonde changing the license plates on her car from Nebraska to… some other state. She has a bunch of options in a hidden compartment in her trunk. She sneaks into a hotel room and takes her shirt off! And then dyes her hair brown. And it’s Kate. Shower scene! Next we see her ask for a letter for “Joan Hart” (I bet Lostpedia has a lot to say about that name but I won’t bother to check). She reads the letter and cries. What a baby.
2. On the Island she plays with a toy plane by the beach. Charlie walks over with a guitar. He says that “Driveshaft’s sales must have spiked when everyone found out I died in a plane crash”. Note that he doesn’t say “when everyone thought I had died in a plane crash”. He continues: “When I come back alive, it’s gonna be insane”. Interesting? Okay no, it’s not very interesting. Unless it’s very interesting. They look over at the raft, where some guy who’s never said a word is speaking up. He says they can’t launch the raft for 3 or 4 months. Oh, his name is Artz. His first appearance certainly was… explosive? Sawyer exposits that he’s a high school science teacher. He says they’re on the cusp of monsoon season. But I don’t actually recall ever getting a monsoon season on Lost. Then Kate asks for a place on the raft. Michael says the raft is full.
3. Flashback. Kate’s carrying flowers into a hospital. She says she has a delivery for Diane Jansen but actually she’s just scammin’ to get past the police! She’s there to surprise “Tom”, a young doctor. He calls her Katie. Then she says that Diane’s dying of cancer, and that she’s there to see her. She asks for his help. What kind of help? Are you new to this show? We cut to an Island scene.
4. Sun is begging Jin to talk to her. He tells her that he’s going on the raft. She walks away in a huff. Jack and Sayid walk through the jungle to see Locke; and then to see the hatch. As they approach it we hear a soft Scottish brogue singing and… oh wait, that’s next season. Anyway, Jack sees it. Back on the beach, Sawyer asks why Jin’s packing fish for an ocean voyage. Michael is like, if you’re that dumb maybe you shouldn’t be on the raft. That’s totally not fair, Michael. He traded you some rope for that spot, even if he is a dummy. Sawyer confronts Kate and says he knows what’s up–she’s a fugitive from justice and needs to run! By the beach, Walt asks Michael if they’ll come back to help everyone else. Michael’s like, sure. But we may not be able to find the Island again. As Michael dismounts from the raft he gets all queasy and weak and tells Walt to get Jack! WHOA NELLY WHAT IS GOING ON?
5. Speaking of whom, Jack asks Locke why he didn’t tell anybody about the hatch for 3 weeks. Locke points out that Jack kept his guns secret for a while, also. Jack can’t argue with that, so he asks how they’ll get it open. Sayid points out that, actually, the hatch might be really dangerous and maybe they shouldn’t open it. Kate stumbles in and tells Jack that Michael needs help! Jack examines him but doesn’t seem to have a bead on the problem.
6. Flashback to Kate, at her doctor friend Tom’s house, who has a photo of his son and wife on his fridge. Kate asks “think it’s still there?” but of course nobody will actually say exactly what “it” is. Next scene, they’re driving up to a tree in the middle of nowhere. Tom opens the trunk and gets out a shovel. Kate measures steps from some landmark or other, then they start diggin’. They find… an end to the scene.
7. Jack is trying to figure out Michael’s illness. He thinks it was “something in the water” that Michael was drinking. Hurley accidentally tells everybody that Kate’s a fugitive from justice, which gives her a motive to get off the Island. Locke asks why Jack didn’t tell anyone and he dropkicks him in the face with the same excuse Locke gave him about the hatch. Suck on that, you old parapalegic mystic!
8. On the beach, Claire cuts Charlie’s hair and they are falling in love. He’s writing a song called “Monster Eats the Pilot” which is an awesome title.
9. In the rape caves, Jack asks Kate whether she poisoned Michael. So she obviously didn’t. Nor did Sawyer. Maybe the others snuck into camp???
10. Flashback to the digging with Tom. The shovel hits something metal. It’s a box. In that box? Classic Victorian-era erotica! No, just kidding. It’s actually New Kids on the Block lunchbox, btw. Inside, it’s a time capsule from when they were kids. It contains, inter alia, the plane toy she was playing with earlier in the episode. Also, a cassette tape Kate (Austin!) and Tom made in 1989. They were in love and thought they’d be married. She “always wants to run away”, he says on the tape. “Yeah, and you know why”, she responds. So presumably now we find out the why, right? NOPE. Oh, and then Tom and Kate kiss even though he’s married and has a kid! Nice work, homewrecker.
11. Walt finds Michael applying medical something or other to his shrapnel wound. Locke asks if there’s something he wants to tell him. Walt clarifies that although he did burn the raft, he didn’t poison his dad. Locke touches his arm and suddenly Walt has a freakout! He says “don’t open it! Just don’t open it!” It’s kinda intense. Cut to Sawyer tossing Michael some Pepto-Bismol. Michael is not excited and tells Sawyer he’s off the raft, because Michael thinks he poisoned him. Sawyer’s mad. He tells Kate to tell Michael she’s a criminal. Sawyer grabs her bag and out comes a dead woman’s passport!
12. Flashback to Dr. Tom taking a woman, presumably “Diane”, to the MRI machine. First he gives Kate a minute with her, though. It turns out that Diane is her mom. Let’s see what she has to say. Kate apologizes for “everything [she] put [her] through”. Her mom says “help”, starts screaming it! She’s scared to death of Kate! WHY? WHY? Then the police show up and she hits one in the face and then she runs away because Kate is a fugitive from justice, you guys! She’s driving and she charges a police officer with a gun. He shoots! She gets in an accident! Tom was shot! He’s dead! OH CRAP THIS IS BAD. She flees the car and runs into a ravine or something.
13. Back on the Island, she tells everybody that she was on the plane with a marshal. She adds that she’s innocent or something but even if that’s technically true she’s clearly guilty of something(s). She tells Michael that she didn’t poison him, though. So where do we stand? I’m confused. Seems like everybody hates Kate now, which is odd, a little.
14. The boys are attaching a little cabin to the raft, which is really quite impressive. Sun is sad that Jin is leaving. Jack figured out that Sun poisoned Michael by accident, trying to poison Jin–she was hoping he would stay instead. She effed up. Jack again decides what other people need to know, and says he won’t tell anybody. He also advises Sun to let him go and say goodbye. Fair enough.
15. Sawyer tells Kate that the raft is leaving tomorrow. He says he’s leaving because there’s nothing on the Island worth staying for. He looks at her meaningfully. She doesn’t say “I love you”. Those of us who don’t give a crap about whether they end up together wait patiently for something to actually happen in this freaking episode.
16. Walt and Michael bond a little bit. Walt admits that he’s the one who burned the raft, because he didn’t want to leave. He apologizes. Michael says it’s okay, and that they can stay on the Island if that’s what Walt wants. But Walt is like, we have to go. Because he has creepy magic child feelings. At the same time, Sun finds Kate. It must be a real pain to write these scripts where a dozen characters have a round-robin tournament of one-on-one discussions. Anyway, it turns out that the poison was Kate’s idea. Big whoop.
17. LOST

Ordinarily I would recap a third episode here, but the last three episodes of the season actually all form one coherent episode–”Exodus”, parts 1 and 2 (part 2 is a double-length episode). So I’ll just do those all together in the next installment. Programming note: I won’t get to watch/post til after the Season 6 premiere–consider this my Lost-style refusal to meet your expectations on your schedule. Anyway, I’m looking forward to the season premiere tonight and may post something about it later in the week, after I finish this project. Catch up with you guys after our minds are blown by one more “game-changing” season premiere. Namaste.