Hello World

Joel Achenbach posted his Washington Post Magazine column, which describes how huge a disaster the War of 1812 was:

How bad was our war management? Well, until recently there were three levels of wartime incompetence: Bad, Very Bad and War of 1812 Bad. Contemplate the fact that, in August 1814, the very refined first lady of the United States was forced to flee the White House and spend the night on the lam, hauled by carriage on dark country roads and finally deposited in a tavern to be hectored by fellow refugees from Washington.

Dolley Madison was, in truth, a hero, having stuck it out at the White House to the last possible moment (and having saved the famous portrait of a grim, humorless George Washington). Not so brilliant was the performance of the general assigned to protect the capital, William Winder, who had a gift for dithering around and running away. Historian Henry Adams wrote, “When he might have prepared defences, he acted as scout; when he might have fought, he still scouted; when he retreated, he retreated in the wrong direction; when he fought, he thought only of retreat; and whether scouting, retreating, or fighting, he never betrayed an idea.”

So, as someone who should have paid a lot more attention in American History class, here’s my question: why aren’t we all speaking British right now? The English wiped the floor with us and laid siege to Washington DC. The American military was mostly farmers and had demonstrated its inferiority to the British professional militia. So what stopped them from taking back the colonies that had rebelled fewer than fifty years earlier? If for no other reason than revenge, I’d expect the English to want to “occupy” America. I assume the answer is that they didn’t want America anymore–which has got to be up there among the worst decisions in British history–but I don’t really have any clue.

Are there any students of American History out there with a good answer for me?