Imagine if Courtney had answered.

As you may know, “Weird Al” Yankovic is a musical parodist who satirizes popular music (i.e. he transformed Michael Jackson’s “Beat It”–the best pop song of the ’80s, incidentally–into “Eat It”). Although his songs are legally protected under the fair use doctrine, Al makes sure to get the blessing of any artist whom he wants to parody. This generally works out fine but occasionally there’s a bump in the road, in which case Yankovic moves on and does something else. It’s funny that at some point he must have spoken with Nirvana. I like to think it went something like this:

(ring)

KC: Yeah?

WA: Hi, is this Kurt Cobain?

KC: Yes.

WA: This is “Weird Al” Yankovic.

KC: Hello.

WA: I don’t know if you’ve heard of me, but I do a lot of parodies of popular songs and I’m hoping you’ll give me permission to parody “Smells Like Teen Spirit”!

KC: It doesn’t matter. Every waking moment is an unrelenting cacaphony of pain and sorrow.

WA: Well that may be, but I prefer to get artists’ perission before parodying their work. Life is so much better when people cooperate with each other, don’t you think?

KC: Life is a meaningless struggle that inexorably ends in the cold embrace of nothingness. Go ahead, court jester–craft your distraction. But know this: the bottomless abyss waits for you as it does every man.

WA: Great! Thanks so much! I’m a huge fa-

(click)

WA:Hello? Hello? Kurt? Oh, darn it. These new-fangled cellular phone networks are so unreliable.

And… scene.