Apparently they still publish new stuff in McSweeney’s.

Black Shoe Diary: The Daily Musings of Shuruku Umezawa: Junior Salesman, Ninja

Tuesday, March 14

All day long I am made to sit in a cube. All I wish to do is leave this cube. Yet, each time I leave for restroom break, I return to find turtle figurines strewn about my desk by anonymous office clowns. Perhaps they think I do not understand this joke; they are wrong. I, too, view animated television, though I am partial to Looney Tunes.

I shall discover the offender by becoming invisible (or hiding under my desk). Then, one evening, when he is working late, he will be visited by a ghost while walking to his automobile and so shall meet his demise.

Obsessed with cinematic apocrypha perpetuated by Steven Seagal and pizza-eating, animated “ninja” reptiles. These fools forget one very important, very real fact: poison-tipped blow darts.

That part is, of course, the highlight of the piece, but the rest is pretty enjoyable too.

See also:

• Future Garfield Strips, If Garfield Aged at the Normal Feline Rate (Based on Real-Life Experiences With a Twentysomething Cat).
• Notes on “Sweet Child O’ Mine,” as Delivered to Axl Rose by His Editor