I’ll be honest; this isn’t really the top 10 anything. Depending on how you count, it’s the top 9, top 15, or top 16 things I want changed about the iPod Touch. But I hear people like top 10 lists, so I thought I’d try to entice you with the post title. With that caveat, let’s get to business.
I have a new toy, an iPod Touch. I just got it last week, and I have been having a lot of fun with it, especially using Safari to browse the web (on a tiny screen, but still—it’s pretty nice not to have to boot up my laptop to check my email and Twitter feed).
But not to worry, there’s still plenty of room for improvement. Apple is set to release version 2.0 of its mobile operating system (which runs on the iPhone and iPod Touch) early next month. With that in mind, here are the ways the fanciest iPod model needs to be fixed—just through software (and note that most of these changes could, and should, be implemented in the iPhone as well). Let’s hope we see these features in just a couple of weeks.
When you air a standard definition (“SD”) program on your lovely high definition (“HD”) channel, please do me a big favor. Do not stretch it out to fit the screen. Just give it to me in SD, and let me decide what to do with it.
The biggest perpetrators of this horrific mistake (big enough that I made this list from memory of being infuriated in the past): TBS, TNT, the Food Network. But I’m sure there are other wrongdoers, and as the rest of the cable universe transitions to HD I suspect the problem will only increase.
ESPN does it right; when airing SD programs, it puts a bar on each side of the screen, so there’s no blank space on the tv, without warping the aspect ratio of the actual programming. Another option, which works fine for me, is just leaving the sides of the screen blank.
Here’s why those are better solutions: just about all HDTVs can stretch SD signals (which, to be fair, may HDTV owners prefer to do, because it fills the screen)—but they generally can’t reverse the operation (i.e., “de-stretch” signals). This is because when the TV detects an HD signal, it is to be expected that the programming is, you know, HD. So when, for example, I get Iron Chef stretched out on my screen, I have no recourse.
So, in summary, stop stretching programming out so that everybody’s face is too wide and things look incredibly stupid.
Okay. Here are the dates I will be in these places. Please let me know if you want to hang out with me in these places, and if you want to give me a place to sleep in these places (except Seattle, Boston, and DC, where I already have a place to stay).
July 31-August 1:
I will be in the Los Angeles area. I don’t know whether I will be able to get into the city, but it is a possibility.
August 1-August 4:
Oakland/Berkeley/San Francisco
August 4-August 7:
Vancouver, Canada (WHAT IS THERE TO DO IN VANCOUVER?)
August 7-August 10:
Seattle
August 10-August 20:
Detroit and other parts of Michigan (also, possibly, Windsor or other parts of Canada)
August 20-August 31:
Boston (putting everything I own in a box)
In 2006, after a long monologue about a dog and its vomit, Franken impersonated the deceased Sen. Strom Thurmond as saying: “Yeah, I screwed a woman who was vomiting once.” He once proposed a television sketch about a female CBS reporter being drugged and raped. He has suggested that his next book title might be “I F———Hate Those Right-Wing Motherf———!” At an event hosted by the Feminist Majority Foundation in 1999, Franken offered this thigh-slapper: “Why don’t we focus on what Afghan women can do? They can cook, bear children and pray. As I recall, that was fine for our grandmothers.”
Our popular culture, of course, violates even these expansive boundaries of tastelessness with regularity. We laugh at comedies featuring the C-word and at cartoons of foul-mouthed third-graders. In the cause of relevance and realism, our common life is already decorated with excrement. Why should political discourse be any different?
For at least one reason: Because vulgarity is often the opposite of civility.
Incidentally, I think “I F———Hate Those Right-Wing Motherf———!” would make for a great title. It makes its point quite artfully, and is much better than the title of Bill O’Reilly’s upcoming tome.
My favorite part is where he explains that when his friend is vulgar, it’s okay, but when RAPPERS do it, it’s loathsome. Not sure I understand why that is… maybe because his friend has a terminal degree? But a lot of rappers, apparently, have doctorates, so that can’t be it. Hmmm… what could it be?
Also, remember when Dick Cheney told a senator, on the floor of the Senate, to “fuck yourself“? Or when George Bush called a reporter “a major league asshole“? Weird how Gerson, former Bush speechwriter and policy advisor, doesn’t mention those incidents in his condemnation of Al Franken (who has, as of yet, never even been elected to any office that I know of).
What a load of (to pick a civil word) manure.
But let’s get back to Franken for a minute. Gerson takes great offense to Franken’s description of his work as “satire.” Because it uses naughty language, and stereotypes, and even sexual imagery. Well, yes, I think we can all agree that it does those things. But, last I checked, in pursuit of satire we aren’t limited to the scrabble dictionary and the Comics Code. Sometimes, offensive content and objectionable imagery is the most effective way of making a point. Let’s look at an example from Gerson’s op-ed:
At an event hosted by the Feminist Majority Foundation in 1999, Franken offered this thigh-slapper: “Why don’t we focus on what Afghan women can do? They can cook, bear children and pray. As I recall, that was fine for our grandmothers.”
Okay. So does anyone out there think that Franken, a dyed-in-the-wool liberal who loves taxes, abortions, and homosexuals, said those words sincerely? AT A FEMINIST MAJORITY FOUNDATION EVENT??? Of course not. This is, what’s the word, sarcasm. Franken is making a point—to limit women to these traditional roles is horrible, stupid, and maybe even terrorism! Okay, probably not really terrorism, but you can’t deny the Afghanistan connection. Better send in some troops, just to be safe.
Okay, where was I. Oh, right. Gerson is just being disingenuous. He knows Franken doesn’t seriously believe women should only cook, bear children, and pray. He knows Franken was joking. And, more generally, he knows that there’s nothing seriously objectionable about Franken’s humor—except that he is a liberal and is running for the Senate. This piece is deeply cynical, condescending, and just plain wrong.
For the record: I like Al Franken and think he would make a very good representative. Wouldn’t it be nice to have a few more politicians who are funny on purpose?
Billy West, voice of Fry, the Professor, Dr. Zoidberg, and probably the Hypnotoad, has a weird interview at the Onion’s A.V. Club (warning—some salty language there!). It includes audio clips. Whatever, Billy West rules.
I TOLD YOU. Poor Kobe. It just wasn’t his year. Not that Boston deserves another championship, but I am happy for all the Celtics who just won their first.
Well, I wouldn’t go so far as INCREDIBLE. But it was pretty good. Ed Norton is always good, and he was good in this. Tim Roth is always good and a little weird, and he was good and a little weird in this. Liv Tyler played the same sweet, soft-spoken, boring woman she has played in every movie since that one about the record store. I didn’t find the CGI Hulk particularly realistic, but the action scenes were pretty kinetic and fun to watch.
That said, it wasn’t that great a movie, and I blame it all on the purple-pantsed beast himself. I think Hulk, at least in this incarnation, is just not a very interesting character—he’s a very powerful behemoth, but he has no personality (and even if he did, he couldn’t articulate it). And although he is very very strong and pretty nimble, in this movie so is his adversary. So it’s just two bigass monsters ramming into each other, which just isn’t that exciting.
But I very much agree with this review from Slate—more than anything else, The Incredible Hulk was a great teaser for the upcoming Captain America, Iron Man, and Avengers movies (also, they’re making a Thor movie!). As someone familiar with a number of the characters and plot points Marvel is taking from the comics, it was enjoyable to see some long-term threads get introduced, and it will be gratifying to see them pay off in the next few years of summer blockbusters.
Also, Tiger Woods is ridiculous. Anyone think Mediate has a chance tomorrow?
My name's Jake, and I live in Boston MA. I write about lots of stuff and you might be interested in some of it. You can reach me at calamityjake at gmail dot com.
Here is a list of everywhere I produce stuff on the internet.
June 27, 2008 
Posted in Tech 
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